From “I” to “We”

Leadership, Meaning, and the Courage to Serve

Much of modern leadership begins with the I:
my vision, my purpose, my success, my growth.

And it’s exhausting us.

We thought leadership would give us meaning. Instead, it’s given us influence without impact, authority without connection, and a nagging sense that we’re succeeding at something that doesn’t actually matter.

We’ve climbed the ladder, hit the goals, built the platforms, and somewhere along the way, we lost what we thought leadership was supposed to give us: connection, a sense that what we’re doing matters beyond the next quarter or the next promotion.

As we enter a new year, I keep hearing the same question everywhere, phrased differently, worded in various ways, but in essence asking the same thing:

If you could do only one thing about yourself this year, knowing that it would be successful, what would it be?

It’s the kind of question that fills journals, goal-setting workshops, and New Year’s resolution lists. And there’s nothing wrong with it—self-improvement has its place.

But that question has been sitting differently with me lately, especially after reading Celebrating Life by Jonathan Sacks, the late Chief Rabbi of the United Kingdom. In it, he recounts a powerful story told to him by the Lubavitcher Rebbe:

“A man once wrote to the Rebbe in a state of deep depression. ‘I wake up each day sad and apprehensive. I can’t concentrate. I can’t pray. I keep the commandments but find no spiritual satisfaction in them. I go to the synagogue but feel alone. I begin to wonder what life is about. I need help.’

The Rebbe did one of the most enigmatic things. He sent the letter back to the man, circling the first word of every sentence. That word was ‘I.’ The Rebbe was moving the man from Self to Thou. What he was saying to the man was: You’re too locked into yourself. Get out there and do something for someone else.”

The message was clear. Healing would not come from further introspection, but from turning outward, away from the self and toward others.

When I read this, it immediately resonated with The Second Mountain by David Brooks. Brooks argues that we have gone too far into hyper-individualism and, in the process, lost our moral compass. A meaningful life, he suggests, is not built through self-fulfillment but through commitment, responsibility, and service to others.

Both secular and faith-based voices echo this concern. Thinkers such as Mark Sayers, in Platforms to Pillars, describe our era as one of depressed individualism. We were promised that identity, strength, and meaning would be found within ourselves. Instead, many of us feel anxious, isolated, and exhausted by the pursuit.

Perhaps the problem is not that we have focused too little on ourselves, but that we have focused too much.

From Roles to Influence

Over the last five years, my own understanding of leadership has shifted, from roles to influence.

I used to see leadership through the lens of formal positions. My background reinforced that way of thinking. Titles, authority, and hierarchy felt like confirmation of a person’s leadership strength. The higher you climbed, the more you had proven.

But I struggled with this, even as I lived inside it. I knew the validation that came with the title was real; people responded to the role, the authority, the position. But I also learned something more profound: that real fulfillment, real impact, came not from the title but from actually helping others. From serving them well. From adding value to their lives in ways that mattered.

And when those things shifted, or when I encountered people who didn’t need to engage with me because of a role, I realized how fragile the foundation of title and position really was.

Real influence doesn’t come from needing people to engage with you because of a role. It comes from adding value to their lives in ways that make them want to.

Actual influence means people seek you out not because they have to, but because you serve them well. You strengthen them. You call out the best in them. And they feel it—though not always, and not perfectly. Leadership is messy because human beings are flawed, leaders included. But that is part of what it means to lead with influence rather than authority.

Influence must be earned again and again, through presence, character, and service, not position.

This shift has reoriented everything: how I show up, how I serve, and what I believe leadership is truly for.

A Different Question

So let me flip the opening question:

What is one thing you would be willing to do for others this year?

Not something abstract.
Not something performative.
But something concrete, costly, and consistent.

Because leadership that begins with we—not I—does more than influence.
It heals.
It grounds us.
And it may just return to us the meaning we have been searching for.

This year, I’m asking myself the question the Rebbe was really asking that man: What is one thing I’m willing to commit to doing for others, something concrete, something costly, something I’ll keep showing up for?

Maybe it’s the same question you need to ask.

⸻

This year, I’m committed to providing you with a thoughtful piece each month. I’m also opening a WhatsApp channel to share weekly short insights from my thinking. Join me in helping others to lead well by sharing this, talking about it, and joining the conversation by commenting below.