On leading a fulfilling life

A brief overview of the longest scientific study on happiness.

 In pursuing a good life, we often compare our internal experiences to the external appearances of others. However, true happiness is not found in material possessions or fleeting achievements. 

We are always comparing our insides to other people’s outsides.

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In this article, I draw insights from the book The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness by Robert J. Waldinger and Marc Schulz, Ph.D.

It may surprise you that the Harvard Study, the most comprehensive and long-term study of human life, has identified one key factor contributing to a fulfilling life. It has consistently demonstrated that strong social connections significantly impact physical and mental well-being. Over 84 years and three generations of participants, the study has consistently shown that maintaining healthy relationships is essential. Relationships serve as a form of good medicine for our lives. To gain a deeper understanding, let's explore the categories outlined below.

• The Power of Relationships

Living amidst warm, supportive relationships acts as a protective shield for both our minds and bodies. The evidence is clear across numerous studies, including the Harvard Study: good relationships are crucial for happiness and health. It is not the number of relationships that matters but their quality. 

The study found that those who reported high satisfaction in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80. In essence, positive relationships are indispensable for human well-being.

• The Invisibility of Culture: 

The culture we grow up in significantly impacts our lives, including our beliefs, values, and actions. We may only sometimes be aware of how deeply ingrained these cultural influences are, but they can greatly impact our well-being and happiness. While culture can be a source of connection and meaning, it can also lead us down the wrong path. By recognizing and understanding the cultural forces that shape us, we can make better choices that align with our true values.

• Money and Happiness

 Contrary to popular belief, accumulating wealth won't necessarily bring you happiness. Studies have indicated that pursuing additional income will not significantly impact your emotional well-being once you reach an annual income of $75,000 in the US. While financial stability is crucial, striving for excessive wealth does not guarantee greater happiness. Ultimately, what truly makes a difference is the quality of our relationships and the satisfaction we derive from them.

• Life's Developmental Tasks 

As we go through life, we may struggle with questions surrounding our identity, purpose, and social connections during our teenage years. As we transition into adulthood, we may face the challenge of balancing personal achievements with nurturing close relationships with friends and family. When we reach midlife, we may start to think about our impact on others and find meaning beyond ourselves. Finally, in our later years, we may reflect on our mortality and the significance of our relationships and experiences. By understanding and accepting these tasks, we can move through each stage of life with a greater sense of fulfillment.

• Attention and Generosity 

Ultimately, a meaningful life is centered around giving and receiving. By helping others, we benefit them and improve our well-being. In this day and age, where there is an overload of information and distractions, giving someone our full attention is a valuable gift that can enhance our relationships and experiences.

• The Impact of Technology and Isolation

Despite the advancements in technology that allow us to connect virtually, the pandemic of 2020 has illuminated the limitations of online interactions. Machines cannot replicate the richness of human touch, physical presence, and sensory experience of being together in person. The absence of face-to-face connections during this time has resulted in a surge of loneliness and mental health issues. We must acknowledge real-world relationships' unparalleled value and prioritize them.

• Avoiding Social Comparison

Comparing our lives to the seemingly perfect lives of others on social media can be discouraging. Still, we must focus on our unique paths and develop effective strategies to overcome obstacles and foster loving connections. To do this, we must confront relationship challenges head-on, remain open to change, and maintain a positive attitude.

In our fast-paced society, relationships often take a backseat. However, it's crucial to prioritize them. Personally, my relationship with my father is of great importance. Despite living in different countries and under a global pandemic, I spent around eight days per year with him in person for the last three years and called him and my mother almost weekly. Considering his age of 65 and the life expectancy in my country (74.4 years for men ), I have roughly ten years left with him. Maintaining my current level of in-person interaction for the past three years means I have only 80 more days to spend with him. This sobering understanding of reality made me reevaluate my time with him, plan creative ways, and increase intentionality to increase that interaction.

Healthy relationships are vital to a fulfilling life, and we should make time for them by spending quality time together. Applying the same perspective to in-person interactions with loved ones is important. This exercise helps us prioritize and commit to the most meaningful relationships. What are the most fulfilling relationships in your life? How much time are you spending together?

Making sure you prioritize your important relationships is important. If you don't, you could end up neglecting them and causing harm to those connections that are most important to you. Please take steps to nurture them so they stay strong and healthy.

Good relationships keep us happier and healthier and help us live longer. This is true across the lifespan and across cultures and contexts, which means it is almost certainly true for you and for nearly every human being who has ever lived.

Robert J. Waldinger and Marc Schulz, Ph.D.