Leading the Moments That Get Remembered

Why your biggest impact happens in unplanned moments

The Moments That Matter Most Aren't Always the Biggest

I was walking along the seashore on an early summer morning, letting the rhythm of the waves and the open sky clear my thoughts. In those quiet, unhurried moments, insights often arrive—like gifts dropping from above when you're not searching for them. I put in my earbuds and started a Daniel Kahneman lecture.

He spoke about the distinction between the experiencing self and the remembering self. One example stopped me cold: someone undergoing surgery might experience intense pain, but if the pain eases at the end, their memory becomes surprisingly positive. The revelation? We don't just live through moments—we remember them in ways that rewrite their meaning.

Suddenly, a truth about leadership crystallized: the moments that matter most aren't always the ones that feel biggest in real time. They're the ones that get remembered. And those remembered moments don't just influence—they shape identity, culture, and legacy.

The Gap Between Experience and Memory

In leadership, we carry moments like scars or medals. Some lift us—a kind word from a mentor, a decision that affirmed our worth. Others weigh heavily—a glance of disapproval, a careless comment, a missed chance to be seen.

The moment that felt insignificant to one person may become defining for another. That's the mystery and responsibility of leadership—you never know which moment will become a memory.

Leadership doesn't live only in policies and goals. It lives in what people carry home.

Memory Creates Meaning—and Meaning Drives Culture

As leaders, we influence not just what happens but what gets remembered. Meaning shapes the emotional fabric of any team or community.

• A hard truth, delivered with grace, can become a memory of trust.

• A brief word of praise can transform.

• A careless silence can echo loudly.

That's why King Solomon reminds us:

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." —Proverbs 18:21

Words carry weight—they affirm or diminish, heal or harm. People often remember them far more vividly than we assume.

But Be Cautious—Memory Isn't Always Accurate

As powerful as memory is, it isn't always reliable. The remembering self isn't a camera—it's a storyteller shaped by emotion, ego, and time.

• We might inflate an injury into a defining wound.

• We might minimize affirmation, convincing ourselves it didn't matter.

Leadership requires humility to question our own stories—and grace to approach others' stories with compassion and curiosity.

Three Ways to Lead with Memory in Mind

1. Be Present in the Small Moments

I recently attended a large conference. The keynotes and sessions were designed to inspire. But what stuck with me was an unscripted moment—an unexpected, heartfelt conversation with a friend over a drink. That unplanned moment became the lasting gift simply because someone chose to be fully present.

2. Ask Questions That Invite Story

Go beyond the surface. Ask, "What stuck with you from this experience?" These questions reveal emotional truths shaping behavior more deeply than data.

3. Help People Interpret, Don't Just Move On

After significant moments, people write stories about what happened. As a leader, you have a choice: let them write alone or help shape a story of growth and restoration with truth and grace.

Leadership Is Stewardship of Memory

The true impact of leadership isn't measured solely in outcomes. It's measured in what people take away—in the stories they retell and the identities they form.

So here's your challenge:

• Think of a defining moment in your leadership.

• What do you remember about it?

• What story have you built around it?

• What if that story isn't the whole truth?

Your next conversation, decision, or moment of influence—someone will remember it long after you've forgotten it.

Shape it like it matters..

Because memory may distort, but it never forgets.

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I'd love to hear from you: What moments from your leadership journey have shaped the stories you tell yourself? Share in the comments below.

I'm posting this during my rest week—stepping back to let ideas breathe often brings clarity. If this resonates, please consider sharing it. Tag me when you do, so I can join the conversation upon my return. Sometimes the best insights come through others generously sharing what helped them.