A panel of Paralympic athletes sat at the front of the room. They had been traveling across Italy—visiting schools, local sports teams, and communities. Showing up not to be celebrated, but to connect.

One of them was a young woman missing part of her leg. She was part of the US Paralympic national team.

She carried herself with the kind of ease that only comes from having made peace with something most people spend a lifetime running from. No apology in her posture. No request to be handled carefully.

Within minutes, she said the first thing that stopped me.

“You can crack a joke about our disability. It’s okay.”

Just an open door, and behind it, an unmistakable freedom.

Then came the second thing.

“We all have a disability. Mine is visible. Yours is not. But we all have one.”

The room shifted. That particular quiet that settles when something true has been said out loud.

Hearing her, the calm, the honesty, the life behind her words, brought tears to my eyes. And at the same time, her words landed like a wise mentor speaking directly to my own invisible disabilities. The ones I think are hidden. Those are probably most visible to others.

The invisible kind is the one that does the most damage. Not because it’s worse. Because it stays hidden.

The invisible disabilities of leadership have many faces: the fear of being exposed as less capable than your role requires, the wound from a past failure that never fully healed, the relational pattern that served you—until it didn’t, the limitation you quietly worked around for years rather than addressed.

We don’t call them disabilities. We rename them until they feel manageable. Blind spots. Areas of development. Things we’re working on.

This young woman carried none of that extra weight. No concealment. No performance. What you saw was what was there. And because of that, she was completely present. Completely free.

Here is what she modeled that most leaders struggle to attempt:

Acknowledgment is not weakness. It’s movement.

Most leaders don’t stay stuck because the issue is too big. They stay stuck because it hasn’t been named, clearly, even privately. When we can’t name something, we certainly can’t laugh at it. We’re too busy guarding it. She had named hers so completely that she could hold it lightly. That’s a different level of freedom.

Hidden limitations don’t disappear. They just cost more.

Concealment is expensive. It consumes energy that could be spent on actual leadership. The leaders who operate most freely, genuinely free, not just composed, are almost always the ones who have stopped maintaining an image of wholeness they don’t quite have.

Honesty builds more trust than polish ever will.

She didn’t need to manage our perception of her. And because she didn’t, she had our full attention and genuine respect within minutes. The leaders people trust most aren’t the ones who appear most capable. They’re the ones who seem most real.

She came to Florence to give something to others. She did. Just not what she expected.

The real question isn’t “What’s wrong with me?” It’s this: What am I spending energy to conceal—and what would change if I stopped?

If this resonated, share it with a leader who needs to hear it. And if you’re not yet subscribed to ToLeadWell, join here — reflections on leading with clarity, character, and long-term impact, straight to your inbox.

There were days when the world slowed down. The internet was almost nonexistent. We traveled long, bone-rattling stretches on dusty roads as part of a leadership journey for our organization’s next-generation leaders. We chose this deliberately: the first step of a two-year program was designed to pull us out of our bustling European cities.

Research in leadership and psychology suggests that distance from routine can trigger several important shifts. As Ronald Heifetz and Marty Linsky describe it, effective leaders must develop the capacity to “get on the balcony” — stepping back from the action to see the larger system.

Geographical distance can help create that balcony.

When we step outside familiar environments, we gain perspective, become more reflective, and loosen the grip of the roles others expect us to play.

The Human Contrast

What struck me most about the Maasai communities was the contrast. Materially, many had very little; yet there was a visible abundance of joy, appreciation for life, and generosity toward others.

It made me reflect on something uncomfortable: how easily, in my version of la dolce vita back home, the impulse to want more — more things, more comfort, more entitlement — can quietly become the norm.

Distance has a way of holding up a mirror.

Not to romanticize simplicity, and not to judge modern life — but to remind us that there are multiple ways to live, and multiple ways to lead.

What the Brain Does When We Leave Autopilot

Neuroscience adds another useful lens.

When we enter unfamiliar environments, our brain is forced out of automatic mode. Novel settings increase the cognitive demand on our attention, disrupting habitual patterns and activating neural flexibility that supports the formation of new pathways and the updating of old assumptions.

For leaders, this matters because when the brain encounters unfamiliar routes, new cultural cues, and unpredictable logistics, it must revise its internal models. That process is associated with greater cognitive flexibility, deeper learning, and stronger perspective-taking.

Distance also interrupts what behavioral scientists call autopilot — our tendency to run on well-rehearsed patterns without conscious reflection.

Getting Out — But Not for the Wrong Reasons

Getting out of the comfort zone is often misunderstood.

It is not about doing something reckless. It is not about performative hardship. It is not about self-serving adventure.

At its best, getting out means stepping far enough outside your familiar world to realize that your way is not the only way — in life or in leadership.

That realization alone can soften certainty, reduce entitlement, and increase empathy.

The practice of leaving to see more clearly has deep roots. Long before leadership theory gave it a name, the pattern was already there — in the wilderness of Moses, the desert of Elijah, the solitary places Jesus withdrew to before every major decision. Something about distance has always been essential to clarity. The best leaders, ancient and modern, have understood this instinctively: you sometimes have to leave the center to understand what the center needs.

During our journey, the scorching Tanzanian sun, the dust of long drives, and the depth of conversations with fellow leaders brought back something often missing in high-performance environments: the simple experience of being human.

It made us more vulnerable.
More present.
More aware of what really matters.

Why This Matters for Leaders Now

In today’s attention-scarce, always-on leadership context, many leaders are operating in a permanent state of cognitive autopilot.

The risk is not just burnout. The bigger risk is a narrow perspective.

Distance, physical or psychological, can help reopen the field of view.

Not for everyone. Not in every situation. But often enough to matter.

For me, this journey was deeply soul-filling.

A Question Worth Sitting With

What are the experiences that help you return to your humanity as a leader?

Each of us has a remote village we need to visit. It may be geographical — dust, distance, and unfamiliar roads. It may be psychological — silence, solitude, a deliberate step away from the noise. Where is yours?

Because, regardless of our skills, frameworks, and capabilities, we are human beings first.

And sometimes, the most powerful leadership move is simply this:

Step far enough away to see clearly again.

If this resonated, consider sharing it with a leader who might need the reminder. Forward now.

Two shows stood out. One from South Korea, featuring elite, Michelin-starred, and highly established chefs competing among peers. The other from Italy, centered on home cooks aspiring to become professional chefs. What caught my attention was not the food itself, but how people handled pressure, feedback, competition, and judgment.

What I observed in both shows can be summarized this way:

Or more simply: Honor the person, judge the plate.

Dignity Is Not the Same as Evaluation

In both shows, contestants’ backgrounds are acknowledged. Their journeys, cultures, and motivations are treated with respect. But once the plate is placed in front of the judges, the evaluation becomes focused and clear.

The dish must confirm the story and narrative told about it. The execution, not the intention, determines the outcome.

Some contestants are sent to the balcony, safe for the next challenge. Others are sent into a pressure test. The decision is not personal. It is directly tied to what was delivered.

This tension surfaces in every difficult leadership conversation.

The performance review where quarterly results fall short. You’ve watched someone work long hours. You know their family situation has been difficult. The temptation is to let the story soften the evaluation, or to let frustration with the outcome harden your tone toward the person.

Neither serves them well.

Strong leaders honor people for who they are, while still evaluating performance for what it is. When dignity and accountability are confused, leadership becomes either harsh or ineffective. When they are held together, people feel respected and challenged at the same time.

Different Cultures, Same Standard

The cultural contrast between the two shows was striking.

The South Korean judges were concise, precise, and restrained. Feedback was minimal but clear. The Italian judges were expressive, relational, and dramatic, offering more commentary and visible emotional engagement.

Different styles. Same standard.

What mattered most was not how feedback was delivered, but what it was anchored to: the plate.

Leadership styles vary by culture, personality, and context. Some leaders lead quietly, others passionately. But effective leadership shares a common foundation, clarity about expectations and outcomes.

Without clarity, warmth turns into favoritism. Without warmth, standards turn into intimidation.

Pressure Reveals Formation

Competition cooking places people under intense pressure. And pressure has a way of revealing what is already there.

You see how individuals respond to criticism, failure, and time constraints. Some become defensive. Others become focused. Some collapse under stress; others grow through it.

Leadership environments work the same way.

Pressure is not only a test of skill, but of character. Good leaders do not remove pressure entirely. They create environments where pressure becomes formative rather than destructive, where feedback is hones,t and growth is possible.

The question for leaders is not whether to create pressure, but what kind of environment surrounds it.

Putting People Where They Belong

Not everyone belongs on the balcony yet. That does not diminish their value. It simply reflects where they are in their development.

In healthy leadership, placement is not about punishment. It is about readiness, responsibility, and growth. When leaders make these distinctions clearly and fairly, trust increases, even when decisions are difficult.

People can accept hard feedback when they know they are still respected.

The Plate Still Matters

In the end, leadership, like competition cooking, is evaluated by what is brought to the table.

Effort matters. Intentions matter. Stories matter.

But outcomes matter too.

The best leaders create environments where people are seen, treated with dignity, and challenged to deliver their best work. They honor the person, while remaining honest about the plate.

That balance is not easy, but it is what allows individuals and organizations to grow with integrity.

The best leaders don’t choose between dignity and standards. They refuse the choice.

And it’s exhausting us.

We thought leadership would give us meaning. Instead, it’s given us influence without impact, authority without connection, and a nagging sense that we’re succeeding at something that doesn’t actually matter.

We’ve climbed the ladder, hit the goals, built the platforms, and somewhere along the way, we lost what we thought leadership was supposed to give us: connection, a sense that what we’re doing matters beyond the next quarter or the next promotion.

As we enter a new year, I keep hearing the same question everywhere, phrased differently, worded in various ways, but in essence asking the same thing:

If you could do only one thing about yourself this year, knowing that it would be successful, what would it be?

It’s the kind of question that fills journals, goal-setting workshops, and New Year’s resolution lists. And there’s nothing wrong with it—self-improvement has its place.

But that question has been sitting differently with me lately, especially after reading Celebrating Life by Jonathan Sacks, the late Chief Rabbi of the United Kingdom. In it, he recounts a powerful story told to him by the Lubavitcher Rebbe:

“A man once wrote to the Rebbe in a state of deep depression. ‘I wake up each day sad and apprehensive. I can’t concentrate. I can’t pray. I keep the commandments but find no spiritual satisfaction in them. I go to the synagogue but feel alone. I begin to wonder what life is about. I need help.’

The Rebbe did one of the most enigmatic things. He sent the letter back to the man, circling the first word of every sentence. That word was ‘I.’ The Rebbe was moving the man from Self to Thou. What he was saying to the man was: You’re too locked into yourself. Get out there and do something for someone else.”

The message was clear. Healing would not come from further introspection, but from turning outward, away from the self and toward others.

When I read this, it immediately resonated with The Second Mountain by David Brooks. Brooks argues that we have gone too far into hyper-individualism and, in the process, lost our moral compass. A meaningful life, he suggests, is not built through self-fulfillment but through commitment, responsibility, and service to others.

Both secular and faith-based voices echo this concern. Thinkers such as Mark Sayers, in Platforms to Pillars, describe our era as one of depressed individualism. We were promised that identity, strength, and meaning would be found within ourselves. Instead, many of us feel anxious, isolated, and exhausted by the pursuit.

Perhaps the problem is not that we have focused too little on ourselves, but that we have focused too much.

From Roles to Influence

Over the last five years, my own understanding of leadership has shifted, from roles to influence.

I used to see leadership through the lens of formal positions. My background reinforced that way of thinking. Titles, authority, and hierarchy felt like confirmation of a person’s leadership strength. The higher you climbed, the more you had proven.

But I struggled with this, even as I lived inside it. I knew the validation that came with the title was real; people responded to the role, the authority, the position. But I also learned something more profound: that real fulfillment, real impact, came not from the title but from actually helping others. From serving them well. From adding value to their lives in ways that mattered.

And when those things shifted, or when I encountered people who didn’t need to engage with me because of a role, I realized how fragile the foundation of title and position really was.

Real influence doesn’t come from needing people to engage with you because of a role. It comes from adding value to their lives in ways that make them want to.

Actual influence means people seek you out not because they have to, but because you serve them well. You strengthen them. You call out the best in them. And they feel it—though not always, and not perfectly. Leadership is messy because human beings are flawed, leaders included. But that is part of what it means to lead with influence rather than authority.

Influence must be earned again and again, through presence, character, and service, not position.

This shift has reoriented everything: how I show up, how I serve, and what I believe leadership is truly for.

A Different Question

So let me flip the opening question:

What is one thing you would be willing to do for others this year?

Not something abstract.
Not something performative.
But something concrete, costly, and consistent.

Because leadership that begins with we—not I—does more than influence.
It heals.
It grounds us.
And it may just return to us the meaning we have been searching for.

This year, I’m asking myself the question the Rebbe was really asking that man: What is one thing I’m willing to commit to doing for others, something concrete, something costly, something I’ll keep showing up for?

Maybe it’s the same question you need to ask.

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This year, I’m committed to providing you with a thoughtful piece each month. I’m also opening a WhatsApp channel to share weekly short insights from my thinking. Join me in helping others to lead well by sharing this, talking about it, and joining the conversation by commenting below.

I read less than usual. When I shared this with my wife, she laughed. Fair enough, I was writing a book, reading constantly but in fragments: snippets from many sources, rereading, refining, thinking, circling back. Plus, I shifted roles in my line of work and entered a demanding leadership transition. To call this a “normal” reading year would be misleading.

Still, the quality of what I read was higher. More researched. More grounded. Written by people with depth and lived authority.

What quietly connects these books is words like change and homecoming, not sentimentally, but as inner grounding, reorientation, and perspective.

Here are some of my favorites.

1. Book of the Year

On Leadership: A Walk Through the Pentateuch — Jonathan Sacks

A Christmas gift from my friend Maarten. Short chapters written in dense, culturally rich language, filled with timely wisdom. A must-read, especially for spiritual leaders.

Below are distilled versions of the sentences I underlined:

• Great leadership is rooted in care for all humanity, not only one’s own group. What gives their devotion to their own people dignity and moral strength is that they care for humanity as a whole.

• To be an agent of hope, to love the people you lead, and to widen their horizons to embrace humanity as a whole—that is the kind of leadership that gives people the ability to recover from crisis and move on.

• Individuals live day to day; leaders think in years and generations. As private persons we can think about tomorrow, but in our role as leaders we must think long-term, focusing our eyes on the far horizon.

• Leadership is not about being believed in, but about believing in others. It does not matter whether they believe in you. What matters is that you believe in them.

• To do anything great, we have to be aware of two temptations. One is the fear of greatness: Who am I? The other is being convinced of your greatness: Who are they? I can do it better.

• People do not become leaders because they are great. They become great because they are willing to serve as leaders.

• What matters most is the willingness to answer the call. What matters is the willingness, when challenge calls, to say Hineni—”Here I am.”

2. Healing What Is Within

(Trauma, presence, and homecoming)

Healing What’s Within: Coming Home to Yourself—and to God—When You’re Wounded, Weary, and Wandering — Chuck DeGroat

The inner journey is both the shortest distance and the longest pilgrimage. It is one of the hardest paths we are called to walk, and yet it is where the strength to live fully, heal deeply, and become truly alive is found.

Core ideas:

• Trauma—deep wounding that creates disconnection—is perhaps the most avoided, ignored, belittled, denied, misunderstood, and untreated cause of human suffering. At its heart is not simply what happened, but aloneness within the event itself.

• Humans are not designed to heal alone. Without connection, we wither. In our suffering, we need an empathetic witness—someone to say, “Where are you?”

• Depression, anxiety, and addiction are wounded places that need the balm of reconnection and compassionate presence.

• Our own depths frighten us. As long as we resist the inward journey, we remain at the surface of our lives. This call to attention is spiritual: a call to faithful presence to ourselves, to God, and to one another.

• Much of what looks like self-absorption is actually self-disconnection. Paying attention is not indulgence; it is healing.

• Even darkness can become grace. The deepest work often happens when the lights go out. God is freeing you from yourself.

• God’s posture remains kindness—gently inviting us back Home.

3. Platforms and Pillars

Platforms to Pillars: Trading the Burden of Performance for the Freedom of God’s Presence — Mark Sayers

I learn a lot from Mark Sayers. He has a rare ability to name cultural shifts honestly while drawing on history, philosophy, technology, anthropology, and theology.

Core ideas:

• Pillars are formed through endurance, not visibility. The ability of pillars to persevere under pressure over long passages of time is an essential part of their ability to partner with God in His kingdom’s mission in the world.

• Pillar formation is costly. Sacrificial living is an essential element of the discipleship of a pillar. It requires surrender rather than self-protection.

• Pillars are not necessarily leaders, but leaders should be pillars. When leaders lack this inner formation, leadership becomes distorted into “a project of personal platform building.”

• Disillusionment with performance can become the doorway to formation. Often, people learn to live as pillars after they have failed at living for platform.

• Many digital platforms operate as medicating institutions. They offer solace, a disconnection from everyday difficulty and same-day delivery of narcotic doses of pleasurable distraction. The platform society wounds us, then provides us pain relief in the place of genuine medical care.

• The issue is not whether sacrifice exists, but who or what it is offered to. The original platform humans built was the altar, the place of sacrifice. Will we live as sacrifices upon the altars of our platformed society, or will we step into God’s invitation to live as pillars?

• Faithful, sacrificial living confronts powers that seek to consume and discard human lives. How we live is a form of spiritual warfare.

• Pillars remain when outcomes are uncertain and recognition is absent. The faithfulness of pillars under pressure enables new creation to be birthed in seemingly hopeless situations. Pillars provide support while new creation is fragile, unpopular, and new.

The opportunity:

The failures of the platform society are causing many to question and a growing number to explore faith. Given the failings of the platform society, the church has a great opportunity to explore what it means to rebuild social capital and provide community.

4. Clear Thinking

Clear Thinking: Turning Ordinary Moments into Extraordinary Results — Shane Parrish

This book gave language to things I sensed but hadn’t articulated. The author, in his own words, worked for a three-letter intelligence agency doing cool stuff.

Core ideas:

• High-quality, direct information matters. Secondhand explanations and abstractions often lose accuracy, nuance, and usefulness.

• Information degrades as it passes through people. Like the game of telephone, each layer adds distortion through filters, assumptions, and interpretation.

• Great thinkers seek first-hand understanding. They learn directly from experts, experience, and reality—not just summaries or opinions.

• You can’t think clearly from only one perspective. When you see a problem from only your own point of view, you develop blind spots—and blind spots cause trouble.

• Being willing to change your mind is a strength, not a weakness. Admitting you’re wrong shows adaptability, courage, and maturity.

• Facing reality requires courage. It takes bravery to revise beliefs, accept feedback, and acknowledge when something isn’t working.

• Your example affects others more than you realize. You influence people not only by what you say, but by how you live—even when you’re not present.

One-sentence summary: Clear thinking requires humility, multiple perspectives, direct understanding, and the courage to face reality and revise our beliefs.

5. Leadership on the Line

Leadership on the Line: Staying Alive Through the Dangers of Change — Ronald A. Heifetz & Marty Linsky

I’m halfway through this book—not a classic for comfort, but absolutely necessary.

What stayed with me:

• Adaptive change threatens people’s identities, not just their habits. To change the way people see and do things is to challenge how they define themselves.

• Opposition is less about disagreement and more about fear of loss. When people resist adaptive work, their goal is to shut down those who exercise leadership in order to preserve what they have.

• Systems protect themselves by punishing or neutralizing those who push real change. When exercising leadership, you risk getting marginalized, diverted, attacked, or seduced.

• Seeking approval weakens leadership and distorts judgment. You make yourself vulnerable when you too strongly give in to the understandable desire to enjoy their continuing approval.

• Willingness to endure loss shows seriousness and forces others to confront reality. Accepting casualties signals your commitment.

• What people feel but cannot say matters more than what they explicitly argue. Listen to the song beneath the words.

• Leadership is fundamentally relational, not heroic or solitary. Relating to people is central to leading and staying alive.

• Holding everyone together can destroy the mission. Sometimes your commitments will be tested by your willingness to let people go.

One-sentence summary: Real leadership is not about authority or answers, but about enduring loss, managing resistance, and staying connected to people while pushing them, and yourself, through painful but necessary change.

I did not plan this at the beginning of 2025, but it is not for no reason that these became my most valuable reads this year.

In a nutshell, here’s how they actually play out together:

These books form a coherent path. Sacks sets the vision, what leadership should be. Healing Within addresses the inner work required. Platforms and Pillars names the cultural forces we’re fighting. Clear Thinking gives practical tools. Leadership on the Line prepares you for the cost.

From ideal to interior to diagnosis to tools to reality.

Extra

Non-Western Leadership & History

Following my friend Paul’s advice, I intentionally read more non-Western leadership this year.

I read biographies of Fan Noli and Faik Konica, written by Ilir Konomi, two remarkable Albanian intellectuals and statesmen from the previous century.

My takeaway: we have not changed much as a nation. Their depth, intellect, and clarity left me in awe and slightly unsettled.

A forming conviction:

Unlike Western management leadership books written by “experts,” the Eastern world generally produces leadership books that are biographies of dead leaders. So it is not a framework but a life lived—with the good, the bad, and the consequences in the society and nation they led.

Spiritual formation

The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom — Henri Nouwen

I encountered Henri Nouwen several times this year. His writing, especially on the inner voice, feels raw, honest, deeply human.

I’m savoring each short diary-like chapter slowly.

My Own Book: Still

It may sound self-serving, but Still, which I wrote, refined, and reread many times this year, has been among the most impactful.

In researching and observing a countercultural posture of not being still, the invitation to presence felt especially urgent—and has been warmly received in these first weeks.

Still: Leading with Presence in an Age of Chaos

If you order now, it should arrive before Christmas.

I didn’t set out to read about leadership, soul-weariness, platforms, or change this year. I set out simply to stay present. These books found me where I was—and named what I was already living.

If leadership is anything, it is the slow work of becoming someone who can remain present when certainty fades, applause quiets, and the work gets costly.

These books helped me do that this year. I’m grateful for them.

I’m curious, what books shaped you, unsettled you, or helped you stay present this year?

For the ToLeadWell community, I try to offer thoughtful, lived-out reflections that respect your time and serve your leadership. I share this freely, in the hope it’s helpful. If you know someone who might benefit, passing it along would mean a great deal.

The value of perspective is that it stretches time. When we’re overwhelmed, perspective pulls us out of the intensity of right now and lets us see our lives in terms of years and decades, not just this moment.

Reflection brings clarity and gratitude. It reminds us how far we’ve come, even in the seemingly ordinary moments. It’s not about dwelling on the past, but learning from it and using those lessons to shape a purposeful future.

Reflection equips us with the tools to extract meaning from life’s experiences, making it an essential practice for living and leading intentionally.

(For a deeper exploration of this concept, see my book Still: Leading with Presence in an Age of Chaos.)

So, as the year winds down, give yourself permission to look back and let your journey inspire your next steps.

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Setting the Stage for Reflection

To fully immerse yourself in this transformative process, create the right conditions.

Schedule dedicated time. Block at least half a day, ideally a full day, for reflection. Choose a date that avoids the chaos of holiday stress, such as mid-December or early January.

Find a distraction-free environment. Choose a quiet space away from your usual surroundings: a café, park, retreat center, or cozy corner at home where you won’t be interrupted.

Go analog. Use a pen and notebook. Writing by hand slows you down and deepens your connection with your thoughts. You can always transfer insights to a digital format later.

Prepare thoughtful prompts. These questions, along with any you add, are designed to help you celebrate your growth, embrace the lessons, and set meaningful intentions for the year ahead.

Reflection Prompts for Year-End Review

Before diving into specific areas, start here:

Check-in: How are you coming into this time?

1. Where are you right now, emotionally and spiritually?

2. What’s the energy you’re bringing to this reflection?

3. What do you hope to discover or understand?

Now, explore these areas:

Achievements and Growth

4. What accomplishment am I most proud of this year?

5. If my personal growth this year had a headline, what would it say?

Memorable Moments

6. What is one moment from this year I’ll carry with me forever?

7. What small, unexpected joy brought light to my life this year?

Decisions and Impact

8. Which decision shaped my life in surprising ways this year?

9. If I could return to that moment, what would I tell myself about the journey ahead?

Challenges and Lessons

10. What was the toughest challenge I faced, and how did it shape me?

11. What life lesson from this year will guide me moving forward?

Faith and Spiritual Reflection

If faith is central to your life, these questions can deepen your reflection:

12. What spiritual theme emerged for me this year?

13. How did God reveal Himself to me through His Word, people, prayer, or events?

14. What Bible verse or spiritual truth resonated with me most, and how did it guide me?

Choosing a guiding word, theme, or verse for the year ahead can align your goals with a deeper purpose, offering clarity and peace.

Priorities and Intentions

15. If I could choose one word or theme to guide next year, what would it be?

16. Which habits, relationships, or goals deserve my focus in the coming year?

Working Through Your Reflection

As you engage with these prompts, remember: this isn’t a test, and there are no “right” answers.

Don’t feel pressured to answer every single question. Some will spark pages of reflection; others might yield just a sentence or two. Let yourself linger where something stirs. That’s usually where the real insight lives.

If you find yourself staring at a blank page, start with the easiest prompt, usually “memorable moments” or “unexpected joys.” Sometimes the smaller threads lead to the bigger insights. And if this year feels quiet or unremarkable, that itself might be the discovery. Not every year needs to be dramatic to be meaningful.

If emotions surface as you write, that’s part of the process. This is a conversation with yourself, not a performance for anyone else.

My Decision of the Year: Wait

Over time, I’ve learned to craft my own prompts for personal and professional growth. But this year was different.

These prompts aren’t just theoretical. Here’s what happened when I started working through my own. The exact reflection you’re about to do is what helped uncover that WAIT was my decision of the year. As I reflected, I realized that my decision of the year wasn’t about something external. It was internal.

My decision of the year is a straightforward word: WAIT.

Wait for my book to be published. Hold off before taking action. Pause before making major decisions. Be cautious about trusting my initial feelings. Stay in uncertainty. Wait for the fog to clear before the horizon.

I’ve been learning to become comfortable with waiting, to resist the urge to rush, fix, or force outcomes. Instead of letting urgency or emotion drive me, I’ve chosen to pause, to listen, and to let things unfold at the right time.

More and more, I see that this decision to wait is not about passivity; it’s about trust. It’s an internal shift from control to surrender, from hurry to stillness. And that quiet, internal choice has shaped everything else this year.

Every year holds value. The small, intentional steps, seeking wisdom, nurturing relationships, investing in your inner life, or leaning into faith- often have the most significant impact.

Looking Ahead: Building Momentum for a Purposeful New Year

Reflection isn’t about setting all your priorities for the new year on the spot. It’s about preparing yourself for that process. It becomes the fuel for purposeful planning, and the detailed work can come later in another focused session. This is why reflection comes first: goals built on clarity and self-awareness are the ones that actually stick.

For now, pause, pay attention, and listen.

Once you’ve completed your reflection, distill your insights into a simple format you can revisit: a one-page summary, a few key themes, or even just your “word of the year.” Schedule a quarterly check-in to review what you wrote. The real power of reflection isn’t just in the doing. It’s in returning to what you discovered.

Plan Your Reflective Day

• Open your agenda and schedule your reflection day now.

• Prepare your prompts.

• Choose your space.

• Set the tone, perhaps with a walk, a favorite drink, or a quiet moment of prayer.

Whether you’re a seasoned reflector or trying this for the first time, this practice will bring clarity, gratitude, and purpose to your journey.

The year is almost over. Your reflection day is waiting.

Schedule it now and discover what this year has been trying to teach you.

A Special Invitation

I’m offering two readers a complimentary free 1-hour coaching session in January 2026 to help you process your reflection and turn your insights into action.

Here’s how it works:

Submit your interest by filling out this brief form by December 20, 2025. Include one line sharing what motivates you most about this reflection practice.

I’ll select the two most meaningful responses, and we’ll schedule your session for January 2026.

This is your chance to go deeper, ask questions, and create a clear path forward with personalized guidance.

Don’t wait. Apply here before December 20.

Not the dramatic failures, those are easier to name. I’m talking about the silent unraveling: the capable leader who can’t remember the last time they felt fully present, the compassionate pastor who realizes they’re running on fumes, the executive who’s mastered efficiency but lost something essential along the way.

Over the past few years, I’ve walked alongside leaders in many contexts, not as an expert, but as a fellow traveler. And again and again, I’ve seen the same pattern: good people stretched thin by a world that won’t slow down.

Here’s what I’ve learned: Beneath our exhaustion lies something deeper than burnout. There’s a cultural storm reshaping how we think, relate, and lead. Until we name it, we can’t find our way through it.

So let me name four forces I see at work, and why I believe the way forward isn’t about doing more, but about being still.

The Attention Economy

Your phone is the most effective attention-hijacking tool in human history.

Research shows we switch tasks every 47 seconds, on average.1 But the true cost isn’t just distraction, it’s what we’re losing: the inner space where discernment grows, where wisdom forms, where we become the kind of people who can actually lead.

When silence feels unbearable, we fill it with noise. Scrolls, alerts, conversations that leave us emptier than when we started.

Yet every great leader I’ve studied, in faith, in business, across generations, drew strength from stillness. Presence is not passivity; it’s power under control.

Epidemic Loneliness

We’re more “connected” than ever, and many leaders have never felt more alone.

Digital connection can’t offer the depth we need to endure real pressure. Strong communities have always known this: resilience is built in relationship. Wisdom is shared, not streamed.

But we’ve traded interdependence for efficiency. And it’s costing us.

The leaders who last don’t just build teams, they build relationships that can bear weight.

Toxic Polarization

Everything feels divided right now.

Nuance gets mistaken for weakness. Middle ground feels like betrayal. And in that environment, it takes real courage to lead with both conviction and empathy.

Real leadership listens deeply and speaks clearly. It refuses to reduce people to categories. The most transformative leaders across history could stand firm in truth yet extend grace across divides. That kind of centered strength doesn’t just change companies, it changes cultures.

The AI Revolution

Artificial intelligence is transforming how we work, learn, and lead. It promises efficiency, and delivers it.

But it also confronts us with a deeper question: What makes leadership truly human?

When algorithms can analyze emotion and write strategy, what remains uniquely ours is presence, empathy, wisdom, shared humanity. No machine can embody care. Leadership is needed most not when things run efficiently, but when people are hurting.

Technology may accelerate our pace, but only presence restores our soul.

Why “Still”?

The word still carries a richness we’ve largely forgotten.

It comes from an ancient root meaning “to stand, to be fixed, to remain”, not simply the absence of motion, but strength that doesn’t waver. A quietness that holds steady under pressure.

In the biblical tradition, this deepens. Two Hebrew words illuminate what it means to be still:

Raphah (רָפָה) — to let go, release, loosen one’s grip (Psalm 46:10)
Damam (דָּמַם) — to be silent, to grow quiet, to wait in calm expectation (Psalm 62:1)

Together, they reveal stillness not as inaction, but as active trust—a releasing of our compulsive need to control while waiting with quiet confidence in something larger than ourselves.

In an age of noise, urgency, and fear, to be still becomes a radical act of both wisdom and faith.

This ancient understanding of stillness—raphah and damam—is what I mean when I talk about leading with presence.

It’s the heartbeat behind my new book, Still: Leading with Presence in an Age of Chaos, releasing November 4 on Amazon.

The book draws from my experience walking with Christian leaders around the world and explores how the formation of the soul can renew our leadership from the inside out.

This isn’t a call to slow down for its own sake, it’s an invitation to lead from a deeper place.

Because leadership in this moment isn’t about control; it’s about calm.
It isn’t about pace; it’s about presence.

Sometimes you have to name the storm before you can find the calm center.

May you find that center, and lead from it.

Which of these four forces do you feel most acutely in your own leadership right now? I’m curious what resonates, and what I might be missing.

I would appreciate you checking it out for yourself and sharing it with your circle of influence.

Available worldwide on Amazon in both ebook and print formats. Here are the direct links:

USA Market , Still on Amazon →

United Kingdom, Italy , Germany , France, Spain, Canada, Australia, India.

Then I looked straight at him and asked, “How do you deal with it?”

He paused.

“With time,” he said slowly, “I’ve learned a bit more wisdom about how to handle it. But it’s not something I’ve always done well.”

He went on to explain that one of the hidden challenges of senior leadership is what he called headspace. Dont confuse it with the app.

From the outside, it might look like you’re doing nothing. But inside, your mind is already full, questions to answer, problems to solve, decisions to make, issues to speak into. That invisible load fills much of your mental capacity.

So you have to make time for headspace

It’s the quiet, often misunderstood space where necessary processing happens, where clarity is born. From the outside, it looks like stillness. But inside, it’s deep work.

How you handle that space matters, because as a leader, things will always be coming at you. You can’t fill every minute reacting to what’s in front of you. You need to leave room for the unexpected, and for reflection, so you can respond rather than just react.

Two Shifts That Help Protect Headspace

Take time to plan.

Get your thoughts out of your head and onto paper (or your favorite device). List the issues you’re dealing with. Then sort them by importance and urgency. Seeing them clearly often reduces the mental noise and helps you breathe again.

Take time not to think.

This might sound counterintuitive, but it’s essential. Our brains don’t get tired of thinking, they get tired of spinning. Sometimes the best way to move forward is to step aside for a moment.

For example When I need a reset, I’ll switch what I’m reading. Instead of leadership or professional material (which keeps my brain in “work mode”), I’ll pick up a historical novel or biography. I’m still reading, but I’m resting my mind differently.

The same goes for the people you spend time with. Step away from strategy sessions and problem-solving conversations. Grab coffee with a friend who makes you laugh. Call someone who knows you outside of your role. These aren’t distractions from leadership, they’re what make sustainable leadership possible.

What the Brain Actually Does When You Switch Tasks

Modern neuroscience confirms what wise leaders have always known: every time we switch focus, our brains pay a cost.1 Frequent task-switching drains mental resources, reduces performance, and increases fatigue. Short pauses and reflective breaks don’t just feel good, they restore executive function and creativity.2

In short: your headspace isn’t a luxury, it’s a leadership necessity.

As organizational psychologist Adam Grant observes, “In healthy cultures, rest is a supply of fuel, breaks are vital to gain and sustain energy.”3

Creating Space to Lead Well

So how can you begin protecting that space today?

Leadership today demands constant engagement, but not every moment needs to be filled. The best leaders I know carry a calm steadiness, the kind that comes from giving their mind room to breathe.

A few practical habits can help:

• Block out planning time each week to think clearly.

• Build small pauses between meetings to reset your focus.

• Balance your inputs, mix professional reading with things that inspire, relax, or simply make you curious.

• Leave blank space in your schedule for reflection or the unexpected.

Protecting your headspace doesn’t make you less productive. It makes you sustainable. It helps you think clearly, respond wisely, and be present, not just active.

They understand that leadership flows from who they are, not just what they do. And who they are is shaped in the quiet.

In a noisy world, your presence as a leader brings calm, direction, and depth, but only if you first learn to lead from a quiet, grounded place within.

Questions to Consider

• This week, what’s one thing you could stop doing to create more headspace?

• When was the last time you permitted yourself to think without urgency? What would it take to make that a regular practice?

• If your team saw you protecting your own headspace, how might that change the culture you’re building?

Going Deeper

If this resonates with you, I’ve just finished a book that goes much deeper into these ideas, written specifically with Christian leaders in mind. STILL: Leading with Presence in an Age of Chaos explores what it means to lead from a quiet, grounded place when everything around you is moving at full speed.

For those who share that worldview, you can pre-order now at a special launch price.

Every morning, you wake up with an invisible $100 in your emotional bank account. By afternoon, most leaders are already overdrawn.

Leadership demands constant engagement—conversations, emails, planning, budgets, opportunities. Add family and life on top of that, and it forces a deeper question: What is your emotional bank? How much do you have to spend on emotional energy daily, and how is that spread across your days?

This matters deeply because attention and energy are your scarcest currencies. Steward them where they compound: the work only you can do and the people only you can serve.

Three Keys to Stewarding Your Energy

1. Know yourself. Name what energizes and depletes you.

2. Track the leaks. Identify the top 3 drains this week.

3. Carry weight wisely. Share, delegate, or release—don't hoard.

Peter Drucker captured the focus principle perfectly: "Effective executives concentrate on one thing if they expect to get anything done. They do first things first and they do one thing at a time." 1This isn't productivity theater—it's about stewarding your emotional energy with intention.

In a recent conversation with one of the leaders in my organization, he brought up the concept of the emotional bank. To make it more practical, he put a value in dollars on it. That image really stayed with me and made me think: if emotional energy is like money, how am I spending it each day?

The Math of Emotional Energy

Picture your emotional bank account starting each day with $100. In the morning, you spend $15 just clearing emails and messages. Then comes the main chunk of the day—meetings, decisions, and conversations—that drains another $50. By mid-afternoon, you've already spent $65 of your work energy budget.

Then, suddenly, a work crisis hits that demands $50 worth of energy. The math doesn't work. You only have $35 left. You can "borrow" against tomorrow by sacrificing sleep, rest, or your presence with family, but now you're at –$15.

We live in a culture that demands the now-now solution impulse. This can be dangerous—because it tempts us to trade long-term sustainability for short-term relief. Borrowing against tomorrow's energy may solve today's crisis, but it builds a deficit that compounds over time.

But then you shift to personal time,caring for your family, handling personal responsibilities,which draws from a separate energy pool entirely. However, when you're already emotionally overdrawn from work, you show up depleted for the people who matter most.

If this pattern repeats, that deficit compounds. Just as with financial debt, emotional overdraft shows up everywhere: exhaustion, irritability, poor decisions, and strained relationships.

The truth is simple: You cannot lead well from emotional overdraft.

The Foundation of Leadership

This is why stewarding your emotional bank isn't optional—it's foundational to leadership.

Start by tracking your energy for one week. Note when you feel most energized versus most drained. One leader I know discovered that back-to-back video calls destroyed his afternoon productivity, so he began scheduling 15-minute buffers between virtual meetings. This simple change transformed his second half of every day. Another leader observed that certain conversations were encouraging while others were depleting, so he became more intentional about spreading them throughout his schedule to balance his energy flow.

In my observation, this is one of the biggest challenges leaders face today. We live in a culture that rewards constant activity, yet neglects the deeper question of energy and presence. The temptation is to keep doing more, but the greater challenge is to show up whole, grounded, and attentive to what matters most.

Pre-Allocate Your Daily $100

Before your workday starts, budget your emotional energy like cash:

• $30 → Deep work/strategy

• $25 → Operations (email, admin, routine tasks)

• $35 → People (meetings, 1:1s, feedback)

• $10 → Buffer for the unexpected2

Note: This $100 represents your work energy allocation only. Family and personal time draw from your total life energy pool during non-work hours—a separate and equally important budget to steward wisely.

If a crisis costs more than your buffer, reschedule something immediately instead of "borrowing" from sleep or family time.

Leadership isn't just about how much you accomplish—it's about the energy, presence, and clarity you bring to the people and the work that matter most. When you steward your emotional resources with intention, you don't just survive the demands of leadership; you thrive in them.

Because leadership is not about doing more, it's about showing up full for what matters most.

If your emotional bank only gave you $100 today, how would you choose to spend it?

What resonates most with you about this emotional bank concept? Share this with a leader who needs to hear it today.

P.S. This article was supposed to publish yesterday (first Tuesday of the month), but I had to postpone it by one day due to my own emotional energy budget being spent. Sometimes the best way to teach a principle is to live it.

I was walking along the seashore on an early summer morning, letting the rhythm of the waves and the open sky clear my thoughts. In those quiet, unhurried moments, insights often arrive—like gifts dropping from above when you're not searching for them. I put in my earbuds and started a Daniel Kahneman lecture.

He spoke about the distinction between the experiencing self and the remembering self. One example stopped me cold: someone undergoing surgery might experience intense pain, but if the pain eases at the end, their memory becomes surprisingly positive. The revelation? We don't just live through moments—we remember them in ways that rewrite their meaning.

Suddenly, a truth about leadership crystallized: the moments that matter most aren't always the ones that feel biggest in real time. They're the ones that get remembered. And those remembered moments don't just influence—they shape identity, culture, and legacy.

The Gap Between Experience and Memory

In leadership, we carry moments like scars or medals. Some lift us—a kind word from a mentor, a decision that affirmed our worth. Others weigh heavily—a glance of disapproval, a careless comment, a missed chance to be seen.

The moment that felt insignificant to one person may become defining for another. That's the mystery and responsibility of leadership—you never know which moment will become a memory.

Leadership doesn't live only in policies and goals. It lives in what people carry home.

Memory Creates Meaning—and Meaning Drives Culture

As leaders, we influence not just what happens but what gets remembered. Meaning shapes the emotional fabric of any team or community.

• A hard truth, delivered with grace, can become a memory of trust.

• A brief word of praise can transform.

• A careless silence can echo loudly.

That's why King Solomon reminds us:

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." —Proverbs 18:21

Words carry weight—they affirm or diminish, heal or harm. People often remember them far more vividly than we assume.

But Be Cautious—Memory Isn't Always Accurate

As powerful as memory is, it isn't always reliable. The remembering self isn't a camera—it's a storyteller shaped by emotion, ego, and time.

• We might inflate an injury into a defining wound.

• We might minimize affirmation, convincing ourselves it didn't matter.

Leadership requires humility to question our own stories—and grace to approach others' stories with compassion and curiosity.

Three Ways to Lead with Memory in Mind

1. Be Present in the Small Moments

I recently attended a large conference. The keynotes and sessions were designed to inspire. But what stuck with me was an unscripted moment—an unexpected, heartfelt conversation with a friend over a drink. That unplanned moment became the lasting gift simply because someone chose to be fully present.

2. Ask Questions That Invite Story

Go beyond the surface. Ask, "What stuck with you from this experience?" These questions reveal emotional truths shaping behavior more deeply than data.

3. Help People Interpret, Don't Just Move On

After significant moments, people write stories about what happened. As a leader, you have a choice: let them write alone or help shape a story of growth and restoration with truth and grace.

Leadership Is Stewardship of Memory

The true impact of leadership isn't measured solely in outcomes. It's measured in what people take away—in the stories they retell and the identities they form.

So here's your challenge:

• Think of a defining moment in your leadership.

• What do you remember about it?

• What story have you built around it?

• What if that story isn't the whole truth?

Your next conversation, decision, or moment of influence—someone will remember it long after you've forgotten it.

Shape it like it matters..

Because memory may distort, but it never forgets.

I'd love to hear from you: What moments from your leadership journey have shaped the stories you tell yourself? Share in the comments below.

I'm posting this during my rest week—stepping back to let ideas breathe often brings clarity. If this resonates, please consider sharing it. Tag me when you do, so I can join the conversation upon my return. Sometimes the best insights come through others generously sharing what helped them.

After certain trainings, conferences, or department meetings, I sometimes walk away with one: a sleek bottle, a branded pen, maybe a shirt—each stamped with a new logo or slogan. At first, they felt like nice gestures, valuable mementos of time well spent. But gradually, I began to see them differently. These items weren’t just tokens—they were subtle invitations. Quiet reminders that I’d stepped into a space, engaged a new idea, and left carrying more than I came with.

These are not just tokens but prompts—nudging me to drink from someone else's well, carry their perspective, and remember their message.

It made me pause and reflect on something we often discuss in leadership—empowerment—but rarely examine in depth.

The Empowerment Illusion

Empowerment is a buzzword—plastered across mission statements, echoed in training rooms, and applauded in keynotes. But like most buzzwords, it risks losing its meaning the more we say it.

At first glance, empowerment seems to mean freedom: "Let me lead. Trust my instincts. Remove the red tape."

That's part of it. But it's only half the story.

Real empowerment isn't just about freedom. It's about formation.

Empowerment = Freedom + Formation

It's not just "You've got this"—it's "Here's how to carry it well."

Empowerment without wisdom quickly becomes noise.

When "Empowerment" Backfires

Here's what happens when we hand out freedom without clarity:

• People leave meetings energized but confused, each clutching a different model or mantra

• Leaders offer inconsistent guidance, rooted in their own experience rather than shared principles

• Teams stall—not for lack of initiative, but because they've been handed five versions of "what good looks like"

Ultimately, people aren't truly empowered. They're overwhelmed.

A Leadership Model That Still Works

We don't need to reinvent the concept of empowerment. We need to remember what it looks like.

I learned this firsthand when I started working internationally. The volunteer network was my first big project as the team's newest member. I brought energy, belief in the vision, and a genuine desire to contribute something meaningful. I did what I could to rally people, organize efforts, and move things forward.

But despite the commitment, things slowly unraveled. The vision never entirely took shape.

When it came time to reflect, I expected a critique or a detailed debrief. Instead, my leader said, "Sometimes things fail."

No blame. No shame. Just an honest look at what happened, a willingness to own my part, and a steady commitment to grow from here.

I watched him respond the same way to other projects, whether successful or failed. He led with clear boundaries and unwavering mission focus, yet never reacted harshly or tried to control outcomes. His discipline created space for genuine growth, even when results fell short.

That response fundamentally shifted how I understand empowerment.

One of the clearest historical examples comes from a 2,000-year-old moment of leadership: when Jesus sent out his disciples on their first solo mission.

He didn't say, "Figure it out as you go." He gave them absolute authority—but also clear instructions. "Go—but don't take extra money. Don't pack spare clothes. And if you're not welcomed, move on."

This wasn't control—it was freedom within a framework: a mission, not just permission.

Regardless of your spiritual views, the leadership lesson is timeless: People don't thrive in environments of unlimited choice. They thrive where freedom is anchored by shared values, purpose, and constraints that protect the mission.

What Empowerment Looks Like

Truly empowered people aren't those with the most options; they are those who have the most control. They're those who've learned to ask:

• What matters most right now?

• Where are the boundaries that serve the whole, not just me?

• What is this decision in the service of?

Empowerment is less about expanding choices and more about deepening wisdom.

Leading with Clarity and Courage

So, how do we lead in a way that truly empowers others?

Before your next team meeting, ask: "Am I giving people another bottle to carry—or helping them discern which well to draw from?"

When someone seeks your input, don't default to your standard advice. Instead, help them reflect: "What does the mission require in this moment?" "What choice reflects both courage and care?"

Real empowerment isn't about control or chaos; it's about recognizing the wisdom, resilience, and responsibility in the people we lead.

It's not just giving them more to carry. It's helping them take what matters most.

The Deeper Well

So, what kind of water bottle are you offering? Is it filled with your brand, your voice, your assumptions? Or are you helping people draw from something more profound, more unifying, and more life-giving?

How is empowerment playing out in your organization—helpful or confusing?

If this resonated with you, consider sharing it with your team and discussing these questions together:

1. What "water bottles" (competing frameworks, messages, or even company swag) is our team currently carrying? There's nothing wrong with branded items, but every brand comes with a message.

2. Where might we need more precise boundaries to make our empowerment more effective?

3. How can we help each other discern what the mission truly requires?

Share this article with other leaders who might benefit from rethinking empowerment. Sometimes the best leadership insights come from unexpected places—like a collection of water bottles.

And if you're not yet subscribed, join other thoughtful leaders at toleadwell.com to get reflections like this in their inbox.

Quick summary: People express themselves differently across contexts, including Zoom calls, coffee chats, team meetings, and social media. Most leaders judge based on single interactions and miss the whole picture. The breakthrough skill: connecting patterns across all channels to understand what truly motivates each person.

The Zoom meeting shows one person: clear, decisive, and collaborative. Coffee reveals another, cautious, questioning, and sharing concerns they'd never voice publicly.

Around the table in a smaller group, they open up about deeper hesitations. Their social media tells yet another story, with passive-aggressive comments about "some people" not understanding the real issues.

Same human being. Four completely different expressions.

For many leaders, this is baffling. They want simple answers: Is this person supportive or resistant? A team player or a problem?

Here's what coaching leaders has taught me: things are more interconnected than they seem. The true gift leaders need today isn't making quick judgments. It's the capacity to connect the dots across every channel of human expression.

The Age of Infinite Data, Finite Understanding

We live surrounded by information; every metric lives in our pocket. Algorithms predict behavior. Dashboards track everything.

Yet the most transformative leadership skill remains profoundly analog: the ability to synthesize human complexity into meaningful understanding.

Daniel Pink foresaw this in A Whole New Mind¹, our transition from the Information Age to the Conceptual Age. Here, pattern recognition, empathy, and meaning-making become essential capabilities. We don't need more data processors; we need more dot connectors.

The Multi-Channel Reality of People

People present themselves differently in various settings. The confident boardroom voice becomes anxious over coffee. The collaborative team member turns passive-aggressive on Slack. The warm colleague grows distant in formal meetings.

Most leaders make a critical error: they judge people based on single interactions. But exceptional leaders understand multi-channel humanity. They collect observations across various contexts before reaching a conclusion.

The skilled leader recognizes patterns across multiple settings:

• Informal conversations reveal personal motivations

• Formal meetings show professional competencies

• Digital communications expose distinct communication styles

• Social interactions reveal relationship dynamics

• Crisis moments expose true character

Consider Vera, a leader (not her real name), with whom I worked, who seemed disengaged in leadership meetings. Quick judgment would label her "checked out." But watch her across contexts: In small strategy sessions, she asks the sharpest questions. During one-on-ones, her team reveals she's their most trusted advisor. In crisis moments, she becomes the calm center everyone gravitates toward.

The difference? Vera processes complexity internally before speaking publicly. Once her leadership team understood this pattern, they restructured meetings to provide her with processing time, sending agendas in advance, incorporating reflection pauses, and creating space for written input before verbal discussion.

Her "disengagement" had been deep thinking; they just needed to create the right conditions for it to emerge. The shift in her contributions was immediately noticeable, and more importantly, it changed how the entire team approached their work, including the adoption of different thinking styles in their processes.

Beyond Monochrome Thinking

Listen to how people describe others. You'll hear the telltale signs of shallow perception:

"She's just a numbers person."

"He's not a people person."

"They're typical millennials."

This monochrome thinking, reducing complex humans to single-color descriptions, represents a fundamental failure of leadership perception. Every person contains multitudes. The moment we flatten someone into a single dimension, we lose access to their full potential.

People sense when they're being seen as categories rather than individuals. They respond by withholding their best contributions.

Systems-Level Intuition

The best senior leaders develop an almost sixth sense. They read not just individuals, but the interconnected web of relationships and systems around them.

They walk into a room and intuitively grasp the invisible connections between team members, the unspoken tensions between departments, and how external pressures ripple through the organization.

This systems-level awareness allows them to:

• Detect collaboration breakdowns before projects fail

• Sense when high performers disconnect from the mission

• Recognize how changes in one area impact seemingly unrelated teams

• Understand the emotional undertow shaping organizational culture

They see organizations as living ecosystems rather than mechanical hierarchies.

The Four Foundations People Need

Research from The Five Talents That Really Matter² reveals four fundamental needs: Stability (calm centers during change), Trust (consistent words and actions), Hope (a compelling vision that transforms struggle into purpose), and Compassion, the most surprising discovery.

While followers expect the first three qualities, compassion is the most unexpected yet transformative trait. It's the most underappreciated leadership quality, yet it's what people crave most deeply. In a world often characterized by transactional relationships, true compassion stands out as a genuine investment in others' well-being.

This connects directly to reading people and their motivations, because the most complex decisions aren't driven solely by logic. They're driven by emotions and intuition, with logic often serving to justify them. When leaders understand that beneath all the professional competence and strategic thinking, people fundamentally want to feel valued as humans, everything changes.

This is why at ToLeadWell.com we emphasize leading with purpose, compassion, and heart. Compassion isn't soft leadership; it's the strategic advantage that unlocks people's best efforts and genuine loyalty. It transforms management into true leadership.

Can This Be Developed?

I'm often asked whether reading people is a natural gift or a skill that can be learned. Like most either-or questions, the answer is both.

Some individuals possess natural intuition, but this capability can also be developed through disciplined practice.

The foundation: resist quick judgments. Instead, observe people across different situations over time.

This requires six essential elements:

• Intentionality – Actively choose to develop this skill. It won't happen accidentally.

• Humility – You'll sometimes get it wrong. People are complex and ever-changing. Hold assessments lightly and remain open to being surprised.

• Attention – Be present and observant, not distracted by your own agenda.

• Patience – Resisting the urge to form quick judgments and staying curious instead of jumping to conclusions.

• Multiple Contexts – One situation never tells the whole story. See people across various settings.

• Time – Real understanding develops over weeks, months, and years, not minutes and meetings.

Here's your practical starting point: choose one person on your team who puzzles you. Instead of making assumptions, commit to observing them across three different contexts over the next two weeks. Notice patterns, not just behaviors.

Ask yourself: What motivates them in informal settings versus formal ones? How do they communicate differently in writing versus speaking? When do they light up, and when do they withdraw?

Then, and this is crucial, have a conversation. Share what you've observed without judgment: "I've noticed you contribute differently in various settings. Help me understand how you think through complex issues so I can create better conditions for your best work."

This isn't about being manipulative; it's about being genuinely curious about the humans you lead. Most people have never had a leader ask them how they think best. The conversation alone will strengthen your relationship.

The Bottom Line

In our data-rich world, the leaders who matter most are those who can see what analytics cannot capture, understand what algorithms cannot process, and synthesize what others miss.

The companies thriving today aren't just those with the best technology or strategies; they're led by people who genuinely understand the complexity of human motivation and behavior.

Connect the dots. See hearts. Move forward together.

What patterns have you noticed in how people present themselves across different contexts? Share your observations in the comments below.

I have put considerable effort into crafting these monthly insights on leadership with purpose and compassion, providing the best value for your time by drawing on the best resources and experience from the field. If this piece resonated with you or challenged your thinking, I'd be deeply grateful if you'd help expand its reach by sharing it on social media. Your time invested in spreading these ideas helps other leaders discover perspectives that could transform how they see and lead people.

Consider subscribing for more insights on authentic leadership with purpose and compassion, and please share this with any leader who might benefit from this perspective.

Footnotes:

¹ A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future by Daniel H. Pink (Riverhead Books, 2006)

² The Five Talents That Really Matter: How Great Leaders Drive Extraordinary Performance by Barry Conchie and Sarah Dalton (Hachette Go, 2024)

This truth resonates deeply with what I’ve witnessed: a challenge that touches leaders at every level, from just starting to seasoned veterans, across cultures and continents. Effective leadership flows from a clear, continuous understanding of ourselves, fostering trust and resilience in our teams, no matter where we lead. Yet, this path can feel daunting. Time pressures, fear of honest feedback, or discomfort with vulnerability, shaped by cultural norms or personal experiences, often stand in the way. But small steps, like a moment of reflection or a trusted conversation, can break through these barriers and spark profound growth.An organizational psychologist, Tasha Eurich, offers a sobering insight:

Pause for a moment and consider: where do you fall on this spectrum? This gap isn’t just a curious statistic; it’s a vulnerability for leaders entrusted with shaping vision and culture, whether in a bustling city or a remote community. Picture a photographer so captivated by a vibrant sunrise that they miss the majestic mountain range filling the horizon. That’s the risk of limited self-awareness: we lose sight of the broader, often more critical, picture.

To navigate this universal journey, I rely on a framework I developed, built on four cornerstones: Thermometer, Inventory, Mirror, and Circle. These practices, woven into the fabric of your leadership, deepen your understanding of yourself and inspire growth in those you lead, wherever you are.

1. Thermometer: The Subtle Art of Observation

Imagine your leadership “thermometer” as a tool for sensing the subtle shifts around you—the quiet tension in a meeting, a colleague’s slight withdrawal, or that flicker of defensiveness within yourself. These unspoken signals point to blind spots before they grow into larger issues. In a group discussion I was leading, I noticed a colleague’s crossed arms after I moved quickly past their idea. Sensing the shift, I paused, invited their perspective, and uncovered an insight that strengthened our plan and rekindled their engagement.

This observation transcends words; it’s about feeling the room—tuning into body language, tone, or silences, which carry different meanings across cultures. If this feels overwhelming, start small: after your next interaction, notice one subtle cue, like a hesitant glance, and consider what it might reveal about your impact. Over time, this practice sharpens your ability to connect and lead with empathy, building trust in any team

2. Inventory: The Courageous Self-Examination

Taking your “inventory” is like stepping into your inner “warehouse” with unflinching honesty, asking:

• What actions do I consistently take, and what patterns do they reveal?

• Do my decisions reflect my core values, or is there a disconnect?

• Are my daily priorities aligned with what matters most in this season?

This process compares the stories we tell ourselves—our intentions—with our actual impact. The saying goes that we judge others by their actions and ourselves by intent.

A trusted mentor once helped me see that past challenges stemmed from compromising my principles of integrity and authenticity, not just external factors. As someone who cherishes connection, I sometimes felt stretched thin trying to please others. By focusing on my core commitments, I navigated relationships with greater clarity.

Try this: Reflect on one recent decision and ask whether it aligns with your deepest values or reveals a gap. This self-examination, though uncomfortable, builds authenticity that resonates across cultures. If vulnerability feels unfamiliar—perhaps due to cultural expectations—start privately with a moment you’re proud of and one you’d rethink.

3. Mirror: The Deliberate Practice of Reflection

I’ve always believed that while learning from others broadens your mind, writing sharpens it. Your “mirror” is the practice of seeing your inner world clearly through journaling, intentional replenishment, and honest self-talk. Journaling, a widely practiced tool for reflection, uncovers patterns in your thoughts; a quiet walk or cultural ritual restores perspective; and naming your feelings—noble or not—without judgment brings clarity.

After work trips or intense work periods, I carve out time to reflect on the highs, lows, pain points, and moments of freedom, often jotting down notes. These moments of clarity, some of the most rewarding in my work, reveal what truly drives my leadership.

Even a few minutes of reflection can illuminate your emotional landscape. If time is scarce, try a quick voice memo during a commute to capture a moment’s “why.” In your next quiet moment, spend five minutes writing about a recent leadership challenge, exploring what values or assumptions drove your response.

These habits—writing, recharging, and speaking truthfully to yourself—polish your mirror and help you lead with intention, whether in a boardroom or a community circle.

4. Circle: The Wisdom of Diverse Perspectives

Envision your “circle” as an ecosystem of perspectives: a mentor with seasoned wisdom, a peer who shares your realities, and a protégé offering a fresh lens. These “loving critics” affirm your strengths and reveal blind spots.

As the literary giants C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien showed, honest feedback sharpens greatness. Their critiques shaped masterpieces like The Lord of the Rings and Narnia, just as your circle refines your leadership.

Feedback styles vary globally—some cultures favor directness, others subtlety—so adapt your approach. If seeking feedback feels daunting, start with a simple question: “What’s one thing I did well?” My peer relationships, grounded in mutual vulnerability, have been a source of clarity. This week, consider who in your circle can offer honest insights and what question you might ask. Building this “Leadership Triangle”—mentor, peer, protégé—fosters growth and trust, no matter where you lead.

Takeaways and Reflections

As you weave these cornerstones into your leadership, they become a way of being. Observing subtle cues, like a colleague’s hesitation, helps you build trust across diverse teams. Examining your actions against your values grounds you in authenticity, resonating universally. Reflecting through writing or quiet moments guides decisions with clarity. And embracing diverse perspectives sharpens your impact through honest, caring feedback.

This journey inward is a gift to you and those you lead. Research shows that 79% of highly self-aware leaders build more effective workplace relationships, fostering team trust and engagement.3 Wherever you lead, these habits adapt to your context, transforming you and inspiring those around you, from local teams to global networks. To carry this forward, consider these reflections:

• Thermometer: What subtle cue did you notice today?

• Inventory: Which core value needs a time-audit check?

• Mirror: What new reflection habit will you try this week?

• Circle: Who will you ask for honest feedback, and what will you ask them?

  

  We’re on this journey together—small steps, big impact. As you continue your leadership journey, remember the dynamic interplay of these four elements: consistently check your Thermometer, diligently take your Inventory, honestly look in your Mirror, and intentionally nurture your Circle. These habits, woven into the fabric of your leadership practice, will deepen your self-awareness and inspire a culture of growth and self-reflection in those you lead.

Thank you for joining this journey of leading well. I’ve poured my heart into sharing thought-provoking, field-tested insights to inspire growth in leaders like you. If you found this helpful, please share the link with your network to empower more leaders worldwide. I deeply value growing alongside you.

That’s the quiet power of curiosity. It doesn’t shout. It doesn’t demand attention. But it changes everything when we let it lead.

When I started traveling internationally, I didn’t just want to see new places—I wanted to understand them. I was curious—curious about what I was seeing, how people lived, and what made each place unique. That curiosity became a habit. After each trip, I would reflect—sometimes writing a piece, usually around 1,500 to 2,000 words—capturing what I experienced, what I was reading, the conversations I had, and how it all impacted me.

Over time, those reflections did something unexpected. They helped me understand not just the world a bit better but also my own country. They shifted my perspective inward, not just outward. And that whole process—the writing, the noticing, the questioning—eventually led me to write Ponder, a book born out of years of paying attention.

I had a meaningful conversation with my friend Lori on a recent trip to Kenya. She leads a global initiative that helps leaders lead better, and as we talked about growth and change, she shared something that stayed with me. She said curiosity is one of her top five traits. Through her work with leaders around the world, she's seen that the curious ones are the ones who keep growing. They don’t settle. They stay open.

That resonated deeply. Because if I had to answer the question—how do we grow?—I would come back to the same place: curiosity.

It’s not loud. It doesn’t demand attention. But it shows up quietly, and powerfully, when we encounter something unfamiliar and choose not to walk past it. It’s that moment when we pause, ask questions, look deeper. It’s the desire to see something from a new angle. Not to judge or to solve, but to understand. What’s behind what I’m seeing? Why does it work this way? How should it work?

This kind of curiosity has shaped the way I lead and live. It pushes me to keep learning, gives me pause when things feel too obvious, and leads me back into reflection because reflection is how curiosity takes root.

And I’ve learned that to protect curiosity, especially as a leader, you have to create space for it.

But you can make space to reflect, slow down, and let an experience speak to you. Without that pause, the insight slips past.

It also means asking better questions—not just “what happened?” but “why did that happen?”, “how did it affect me or others?”, and “what might I not be seeing yet?” These aren’t always efficient questions, but they are the ones that deepen perspective.

Curiosity also requires us to welcome the unfamiliar. I’ve noticed how easy it is, when I encounter something new—or even something I don’t like—to jump straight to what’s wrong with it, especially at work when an opposing view comes up.

That reflex clouds my judgment and, honestly, flatters my ego a bit. But curiosity offers a different path. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong here?” I’ve started asking, “What am I missing? What don’t I see that I need to see to understand better?”

That shift opens me up. It might mean listening to voices that challenge me, engaging with ideas I don’t fully grasp yet, or just admitting, “I don’t know,” and letting that be a starting point instead of a threat.

It’s a way of staying a learner—not just in formal settings, but in everyday moments.

• Reading widely.

• Traveling when possible.

• Listening to people who see the world differently.

• Letting discomfort stretch us instead of shutting us down.

And maybe more than anything, curiosity is about protecting wonder. In a world that often pushes us toward speed, certainty, and productivity, it’s the choice to be still surprised. To still be open.

Lately, that question of what I’m missing has turned me toward AI. Not the technical side—I’m not an expert there—but the human side. How will AI shape the way we live? The way we relate to one another? The way we work, lead, and make decisions? These questions don’t have easy answers. But they’re important. And they keep me leaning forward. What about you? What’s something that has recently sparked your curiosity—and what are you doing with it? It’s been about reading, asking questions, and letting those unknowns simmer as I figure out what they mean.

So I’ve come to see curiosity as something I want to guard and nurture. Not just because it makes life more interesting, but because it keeps me growing. It keeps me present. It keeps me from becoming too sure of myself. Maybe it starts with one small question today—something to carry into the next conversation or quiet moment.

Because what if the question you’re not asking yet... is the one that could change everything?

It starts, yes, as a posture of the heart—but over time, it becomes a skill. One we can all practice.

One that every leader, in every season, would do well to protect.

Those I'd chased after—through late nights, endless feedback sessions, and tireless efforts—weren’t present. Their empty chairs spoke volumes about missed opportunities. I'd poured myself into people who weren't ready or willing to grow, expecting change that never came. This realization wasn't just personal; it represents a common leadership trap. Escaping it unlocks extraordinary potential.

For decades, we've believed we should first fix what's broken. A 2012 Robert Half study found that managers spend 89% of coaching time on struggling employees and just 11% on top performers.1 McKinsey research shows managers spend nearly a third of their time on low performers, rarely seeing real improvement.2 Gallup's 2020 data confirms only 1 in 10 employees significantly improve after intense coaching. 3 Stars seldom rise from the ashes.

Meanwhile, solid middle performers—the backbone of most teams—often get overlooked, quietly losing motivation and opportunities to grow. Even top talents can dim if neglected. This approach traps us in mediocrity rather than driving excellence, providing minimal returns from misplaced effort.

The mistake is treating everyone alike and expecting uniform growth. Each person has unique strengths; forcing conformity dulls individual brilliance. True success requires balance: ignite excellence while thoughtfully supporting everyone.

Imagine shifting your coaching toward your top performers. Pair them with inspiring mentors, offer meaningful challenges—like leading innovation projects or exploring new markets—and watch them flourish. Years ago, I trusted a high performer with a leadership role he hadn't sought; he overcame challenges, navigated difficult relationships, forged collaboration, and transformed a struggling team into a thriving one. High achievers don’t just accept coaching—they amplify its impact across the entire organization.

Yet quieter successes matter, too. Some of those absent friends eventually found success elsewhere once they were provided the proper support. Excellence inspires; consistent care sustains. These together shape a culture that attracts talent and encourages everyone to shine. Ultimately, leadership isn’t merely about fixing what's broken—it's about recognizing and nurturing the unique brilliance within your team.

Those empty chairs taught me that pursuing mediocrity keeps us anchored in the past. Real success comes from nurturing our brightest sparks while helping everyone discover their own place. True growth isn't about just constant repairs; it’s about amplifying what already shines.

Investing in Excellence and Supporting Growth:

1. Spot Your Sparks: Identify individuals who show passion, influence, and potential beyond their current roles. Give them challenging opportunities and inspiring mentors.

2. Activate the Core: Offer middle performers targeted workshops, peer coaching, and clear pathways to unlock their hidden potential.

3. Lead with Compassion: Provide underperformers clear, strength-based feedback. If they’re consistently stuck or mismatched, kindly help them find roles better suited to their strengths.

4. Nurture a Growth Mindset: Celebrate risk-taking, acknowledge small wins, and foster a culture where mistakes become valuable lessons.

5. Connect and Mentor: Encourage top performers to mentor others, and invite younger or newer team members to mentor upward—cross-sharing wisdom lifts everyone.

6. Spotlight Success: Publicly celebrate achievements to inspire and energize your entire team.

7. Frame Coaching Positively: Position coaching as recognition of potential, not as a remedy for failure.

8. Measure Progress: Track productivity, creativity, and morale changes to clearly show your efforts' impact.

Take some time to reflect on your leadership.

• Whose empty chairs haunt you—the people you've poured into without results?

• What might happen if you shifted that energy toward your strongest performers instead?

• How could your team evolve if you balanced empowering top talent with thoughtful support for everyone?

• What fears or habits hold you back from making these changes?

Leadership isn’t about fixing every issue. It’s about seeing the potential and making it real. Put your heart where it matters: push your best to soar, wake up the strengths in your steady crew, and lift the ones who stumble with care. This turns a tired team into one that’s alive and kicking. Growth isn’t endless patching—it’s betting on what’s already strong. Do this, and you’ll see everyone rise, turning one win into a team triumph.

Here are four lessons that have reshaped my leadership and, I believe, define the heart of leading well.

Intent vs. Impact: Leadership Is Measured by Results, Not Just Intentions.

I once believed that if my intentions were pure—to do good, support others, and foster growth—my leadership would naturally be effective. However, leadership has a way of teaching us hard lessons. The true measure of leadership isn't just in our intentions but in the impact we make.

Warren G. Bennis put it well:

"Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality."1

This realization hit me hardest in cultures where direct feedback was scarce or perceived as criticism. In one such environment, my well-intended efforts led to misunderstandings because my approach to feedback wasn’t aligned with local norms.

To bridge this gap, I learned to create feedback loops actively, holding regular one-on-ones and asking open-ended questions to understand how my leadership was perceived. More importantly, I started listening beyond words, tuning into cultural nuances, and fostering a safe space where feedback wasn’t just accepted but valued. Now, I strive to ensure that my leadership is both well-intentioned and demonstrably effective.

Data & Intuition: Lead with Insight, Not Just Instinct.

Leadership often requires balancing two forces—data and intuition. I’ve trusted my instincts, yet I’ve also come to respect the hard truths data reveals. Numbers provide structure, but intuition adds the narrative, the human dimension. The wisest decisions happen when both work together—knowing when to let data lead and when to trust your inner compass.

For instance, I once encountered a project that showed promising data but felt misaligned with the team's morale. Instead of pushing forward blindly, I paused. We gathered for a discussion, voicing concerns and uncovering insights that the data alone couldn’t capture. While the project was technically sound, it lacked the human connection necessary for success.

Since then, I’ve been intentional about developing my intuition—reflecting on past experiences, listening deeply to the leaders I work with, and distinguishing between instinct rooted in expertise and unconscious bias.

Loving Critics: Seek Growth, Not Just Praise.

No leader escapes criticism, but the kind of criticism we receive can vary widely. A “loving critic” is a rare and invaluable asset—someone who challenges complacency, sharpens decision-making, and elevates your leadership with growth in mind.

Harvey S. Firestone expressed this well:

"The growth and development of people is the highest calling of leadership."2

The key to identifying a loving critic lies in their approach. They focus on behavior rather than personality, provide specific and actionable feedback, and consistently demonstrate a vested interest in your growth.

For example, instead of saying, "You're doing it wrong," a loving critic might say, "I noticed that when you did X, it had Y impact. Perhaps try Z next time." Over time, I’ve learned to embrace these voices and actively seek them out, recognizing that their insights help me become a better leader.

Leadership Anxiety: From Solitude to Strength.

Leadership often feels like navigating a storm, carrying the weight of others’ burdens while trying to stay afloat yourself. This is where Edwin Friedman’s concept of differentiation3 becomes a guiding principle.

A well-differentiated leader remains calm in chaos, anchored by personal values, and emotionally steady despite external pressures. They don’t merely survive the storm; they help others find their way through it.

Practically, differentiation means:
✔ Maintaining emotional equilibrium while staying connected to your team.
✔ Using mindfulness and reflection to regulate anxiety rather than absorbing it.
✔ Communicating with transparency—acknowledging challenges while leading with clarity and steadiness.

By practicing these principles, I continually transform my leadership from a solitary burden into a shared journey of resilience and growth.

A Lifelong Leadership Journey

Among these lessons, the dance between data and intuition has been my most profound teacher. While numbers provide structure, leadership is ultimately about understanding the human stories they tell.

As Warren Bennis and Harvey Firestone remind us, leadership is about translating vision into reality and developing people along the way. True leadership is not about standing alone at the helm but fostering a collective journey where everyone can thrive, learn, and lead.

In the end, our leadership legacy will not be measured by the heights we reach, but by the lives we lift along the way.

Agustin Prenga

Reflection Questions:

• Have you ever experienced a situation where good intentions didn’t achieve the desired outcome? How did you navigate the gap between your intent and actual impact, especially in a culturally diverse team?

• How do you balance data-driven decision-making with intuition, particularly during moments of leadership anxiety? Can you recall a time when this balance significantly influenced your decision?

I will share a new post on the first Tuesday of every month. In the meantime, I encourage you to lead well with Strategic Leadership and Compassionate Impact.

This pivotal question ignited our first think tank meeting in downtown Zurich, where some of the insightful minds from across our organization gathered. United by a shared vision of next-generation leadership, we engaged in an intense, thought-provoking discussion: What kind of world will these leaders navigate?

The New Reality of Leadership

We stand at the crossroads of profound societal transformation—one marked by a scarcity of hope, deepening isolation, and rising anxiety. These forces fracture our sense of community connection and truth.

• Culturally: Society is shifting from rigid absolutes toward a more nuanced understanding, while a renewed interest in ancient spiritual wisdom signals a search for deeper meaning.

• Structurally, we navigate decentralized systems, constant disruption, and economic volatility, which requires leaders to embrace agility and innovation.

• Diversity: More pronounced than ever, shaped by multiculturalism and evolving gender narratives that demand inclusive leadership.

• Digital Revolution: The AI-driven evolution is redefining how we interact, make decisions, and establish ethical boundaries.

Facing the Future: A New Leadership Competency Model

One of our biggest challenges during the think tank was identifying relevant leadership skills in a world of constant change. Despite the uncertainty, four enduring competencies emerged.

• Multi-Dimensional Intelligence

  Future leaders must cultivate intelligence in four key areas—spiritual, cultural, emotional, and digital—to effectively navigate today’s challenges.

  Leaders like Satya Nadella (Microsoft) demonstrate this blend by fostering empathy and well-being during crises, championing diversity, and integrating ethical AI. Emotional intelligence plays a key role in building trust and psychological safety, while digital intelligence ensures leaders remain at the forefront of technological advancement.

• Bridging the Past and Future

  Great leadership is not just about innovation—it’s about integrating lessons from the past into forward-looking strategies. During our meeting, a seasoned leader with 50 years of experience shared how external perspectives helped him combine historical resilience with modern agility. Understanding the past enables leaders to craft compelling narratives that unite teams while adapting to an ever-changing world.

• The Art of Unlearning and Learning

  Leonardo da Vinci once said, "Learning is the only thing the mind never exhausts, never fears and never regrets." Future leaders must find a balance between letting go of outdated paradigms and embracing new knowledge. Reed Hastings’ transformation of Netflix from a DVD rental service to a global streaming powerhouse demonstrates the power of unlearning and reinvention.

• Networking and Facilitating Connections

  Leadership today is no longer about hierarchy; it focuses on creating ecosystems of collaboration. Rather than commanding from above, great leaders serve as connectors, nurturing relationships that inspire innovation. Mary Barra (General Motors) exemplifies this by incorporating AI, automation, and strategic partnerships to traverse digital transformation.

A Leadership Model for the Future

The modern leader’s role is multifaceted, demanding a sophisticated balance of intellect, human insight, and technological fluency. By embracing these four competencies, leaders can anticipate change with foresight, create a culture of resilience and inclusivity, foster innovation through continuous learning, and build strong networks that fuel growth.

As our discussions in Zurich concluded, one realization stood out: Leadership today is no longer about hierarchical authority—it’s about harmonizing intelligence, bridging past wisdom with future innovation, embracing continuous learning, and empowering communities through collaboration. The future of leadership is defined by insight, unity, resilience, and inspiration.

Reflective Questions

• How can you better integrate spiritual, cultural, emotional, and digital intelligence into your leadership?

• What outdated paradigms have you had to unlearn, and how has that shift benefited you or your organization?

• What transformation do you feel compelled to undertake after reflecting on these ideas?

Join the Conversation!

Your voice is crucial in shaping the Leadership Program for the leaders of tomorrow.

• Share your thoughts in the comments: What key competencies do you believe future leaders must develop? Your insights will help us prepare the next generation for the challenges ahead.

Until next month’s post, may your leadership be guided by purpose, adaptable, and rich with wisdom.

The Foreign Language Effect: A Catalyst for Rational Decision-Making

Nelson Mandela once said1,

This insight is more relevant than ever in the global business arena.

Research into the foreign language effect shows that using a non-native language can lead to more logical and less emotionally driven decisions. This applies in various contexts, from moral judgments to financial planning, suggesting that a multilingual approach could refine strategic decision-making.

Bilinguals often exhibit different personality traits when speaking different languages. They score higher in extraversion, agreeableness, and conscientiousness when using their second language. This flexibility can help leaders adapt to diverse team dynamics and challenges.

Multilingualism: Fuel for Creativity and Innovation

The multilingual mind thrives on creativity. With languages processed in parallel, multilingual individuals naturally forge connections between seemingly disparate concepts. My family's experience has shown how this linguistic diversity enhances our creative problem-solving. Indeed, we are not short of diverse views expressed by those in different languages, which fuels fun, laughter, and wild creativity.

Emotional Intelligence and Cultural Connectivity

Language transcends mere communication; it's a window into different cultures and emotions. Leaders who embrace multilingualism can connect more profoundly with international teams, building trust and empathy. This duality of language use allows for a balance of logic and empathy in decision-making, which is crucial for nuanced leadership.

Cultivating a Multilingual Leadership Culture

Imagine a world where leaders connect across cultures, where decision-making is sharp, creativity is boundless, and inclusivity is the norm. Viorica Marian's insights in "The Power of Language" show that multilingualism isn't just a skill; it's a transformative power for leadership.2

Here are actionable steps for leaders :

• Encourage Language Learning: Foster an environment where your organization celebrates and supports learning new languages.

• Use Multilingualism in Strategy: Incorporate multilingual team discussions for diverse perspectives in strategy sessions.

• Cultural Immersion: Promote cultural exchange programs or language immersion experiences for your team to enhance understanding and creativity.

1. Have you ever noticed a shift in your personality or decision-making style when switching languages? How might this influence your leadership approach?

2. If you could add one more language to your repertoire to enhance your leadership skills, which would it be and why?

And remember, you are more logical in your second language. :) Leadership's true potential lies in the rich tapestry of languages (communication), and this linguistic journey helps achieve it. Here's to a fantastic year 2025, leading with compassion and purpose! Che il tuo leadership sia tanto diversa e vibrante quanto le lingue che parli. Faleminderit.

PS Also, Did you know that in 2024, leaders in 24 countries and 11 US states read toleadwell.com articles? I am grateful and humbled.

King Solomon wisely wrote, “The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, for the ears of the wise seek it out.1” This truth reminds me that reading is not just a habit but a practice of seeking wisdom—something every leader should embrace.

This year felt especially meaningful, marked by inner reflection and inspiration. While I aim to finish every book I start, I’ve learned to let go when necessary—and that’s okay. Even so, every page I read left its mark. My goal was to read 10,000 pages, and while I fell just shy of that target, the journey was what mattered most. It wasn’t just about the number; it was about expanding my thinking, deepening my understanding, and staying committed to a habit that continues to shape me. It’s a reminder that steady progress matters, even in the busyness of leadership.

As someone2 once said,

And this year, it gave me plenty to think about.

In addition to books, I incorporated longer articles and summaries into my reading, which provided quick but impactful insights. One standout was the 19-page essay Mastering Leadership from Leadership Circle Consulting, where I encountered the concept of "future creating." This leadership mindset focuses on shaping desired outcomes rather than simply reacting to circumstances. It’s about anticipating trends, fostering innovation, and aligning goals with a forward-thinking vision—a framework that deeply resonated with me this year.

I leaned into books that explored deep, thought-provoking themes, stepping away from novels to focus on ideas that challenged and enriched me. Selecting standout reads wasn’t easy—many worthy contenders could have made this list. However, I highlighted the books that impacted my personal and leadership growth.

Here are the readings that shaped my thinking, stirred my soul, and sharpened my leadership this year. I hope they inspire you as much as they’ve inspired me.

Books of the Year

• The Leadership Nerve by Edwin Friedman

Interestingly, Edwin Friedman didn’t write this book himself. It was compiled after his death, using 40 years of notes from his work with families, leaders, and organizations. Despite this, the book captures the essence of his teachings, focusing on leadership, self-differentiation, and managing anxiety within systems.

I read it as part of my preparation for a leadership seminar, and it sparked a faith-based project I’m currently working on—one that explores Friedman’s timeless work through the lens of spiritual leadership. I couldn’t be more excited to share this with you soon!

This project reflects Friedman’s insights, with which I provide a counter-narrative incorporating faith-centered leadership principles. It offers tools for navigating challenges with clarity, grace, and purpose.

💡 Sign up for my blog to be the first to hear about its launch! We’ll uncover the connections between timeless leadership wisdom and spiritual growth. Stay tuned for what’s ahead!

• The Deepest Place by Curt Thompson

This book explores suffering and vulnerability, offering a unique perspective on how they shape us. While reading, I often found myself saying, “You’re not the only weirdo thinking these thoughts.” Thompson’s raw honesty about the human condition, our fears, struggles, and healing moments was comforting and transformative. It reminds us that our shared humanity and the need for God’s grace connect us all, even in our pain.

Thought-Provoking Reads

• The Power of Language by Viorica Marin

This insightful book explores how learning, thinking, and living in multiple languages boost problem-solving, creativity, and brain health. Marin’s reflections reinforced how multilingualism makes learning new things easier. This idea resonated strongly with me as I reflected on my own journey of continuous learning and adaptability. Stay tuned. Next year, I will dedicate a full post to this book in one of the monthly lead well articles. 

• The Life We’re Looking For by Andy Crouch

This book offers a powerful critique of how technology influences our lives, often in ways that undermine our humanity. Crouch argues that technology ultimately seeks context, responsibility, and dependence-free power—essentially what Mammon desires: a world where transactions and things replace relationships and stewardship. He challenges us to recognize how this diminishes genuine connection and reminds us that true flourishing comes not from accumulating power or possessions but from cultivating relationships and embracing our God-given personhood.

• How to Know a Person by David Brooks

This book highlights how often we fail to know others truly. Research shows that even close friends and family are only 35% accurate in reading each other’s thoughts. Brooks challenges us to move beyond assumptions and become more curious and empathetic. For leaders, it’s a vital reminder that understanding those we work with is essential for building trust and connection.

• The Air We Breathe by Glen Scrivener

This book compellingly explores how Christian values are deeply embedded in the ethical and social frameworks we often take for granted. Scrivener traces the origins of concepts like freedom, equality, compassion, and human dignity back to Christianity, illustrating how these ideas have profoundly shaped Western civilization. He connects historical events and cultural shifts to a Christian worldview, showing that universal principles—such as the worth of every individual and care for the marginalized—are rooted in theological foundations, even when their origins are no longer widely acknowledged.

Soul-Enriching Reads

• The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen

Inspired by Rembrandt’s masterpiece The Prodigal Son (a favorite of mine), this book explores themes of grace, forgiveness, and reconciliation, grounded in a profound understanding of God’s unconditional love. Nouwen’s reflections on the father’s character—his compassion, wisdom, and boundless mercy—offer a powerful reminder of how God welcomes each of us with open arms, regardless of our failings.

• Strong Like Water by Aundi Kolber

This book beautifully explores how resilience and vulnerability coexist, showing that true strength comes from integrating both into our lives. Kolber’s insights felt like a mirror, validating my struggles and reminding me that being human is sometimes enough. Her approach to strength and sensitivity resonated deeply, reinforcing my belief that authentic leadership flows from authenticity and the courage to lead with wholeness and compassion.

History Reads

• Fan Noli Apostulli, Vëllimi 1

This book is an excellent legacy of Albanian intellectuals and thinkers of the 20th century. Figures like Fan Noli, Faik Konica, and others from the Albanian diaspora in the USA left a mark on history. Reading it reminded me that while Albanian minds had always been bright and brave, their struggles with collaboration persisted.

These books influenced my thinking, enriched my soul, and challenged me as a leader.

What were your standout reads this year?

Share them in the comments—I’d love to hear about the books that inspired you!

Also, it would mean a lot to me if you could share this article.

Let’s spread the word about leading well, inspiring others, and striving for growth and purpose in 2025!

Psychologist Adam Grant captures it well: "Wisdom doesn't come from experience. It comes from reflecting on experience."

Interestingly, research shows that between the ages of 25 and 75, the correlation between age and wisdom is zero. Insight and perspective aren't about how many years we've lived but about how many lessons we've learned.1

You might agree or disagree with this idea, and that's your choice. But I believe it's worth considering. The past year deserves your attention. Taking time to reflect might surprise you—it often reveals more than you expect.

Reflection brings clarity and gratitude. It reminds us of how far we've come, even in the seemingly ordinary moments. It's not about dwelling on the past but learning from it and using those lessons to shape a purposeful future.

Why Reflection Matters

Research supports the transformative power of reflection. Baltes and Staudinger (2000) describe wisdom as a "metaheuristic to orchestrate mind and virtue toward excellence."2 In simpler terms, reflection helps us integrate insights and experiences, directing our thoughts and actions toward growth and purpose.

Reflection equips us with the tools to extract meaning from life's experiences, making it an essential practice for living intentionally. So, as the year winds down, take a moment to pause, reflect, and let your journey inspire your next steps.

Setting the Stage for Reflection

To fully immerse yourself in this transformative process, follow these steps:

Schedule Dedicated Time. Block at least half a day, ideally a full day, for your reflection. Choose a date that avoids the chaos of holiday stress, such as mid-December or early January.

Find a Distraction-Free Environment. Distance yourself from familiar surroundings. A quiet café, a park, or a cozy corner at home can help you focus. Go analog with a pen and notebook. Writing by hand fosters a deeper connection with your thoughts before transferring them digitally.

Photo by Álvaro Serrano Subsplash

Prepare Thoughtful Prompts: Take a moment to pause and reflect on the year that's passed. These thoughtful questions, you can add your own, are designed to help you celebrate your growth, embrace the lessons, and set meaningful intentions for the year ahead.

1. Achievements and Growth

• What accomplishment am I most proud of this year?

• What would it say if my personal growth this year had a headline?

2. Memorable Moments

• What is one moment from this year I'll carry with me forever?

• What small, unexpected joy brought light to my life this year?

3. Decisions and Impact

• Which decision shaped my life in surprising ways this year?

• What would I tell myself about the journey ahead if I could return to that moment?

4. Challenges and Lessons

• What was the toughest challenge I faced, and how did it shape me?

• What life lesson from this year will guide me moving forward?

5. Priorities and Intentions

• If I could choose one word or theme to guide next year, what would it be?

• Which habits, relationships, or goals deserve my focus in the coming year?

6. Faith and Spiritual Reflection (for individuals of faith)

• What spiritual theme emerged for me this year?

• How did God reveal Himself to me through His Word, people, prayer, or events?

• What Bible verse or spiritual truth resonated with me most, and how did it guide me?

My Personal Experience this year

When I began this practice, I relied on frameworks like Michael Hyatt's Best Year Ever and John Maxwell's Your Year in Review. Over time, crafting my own prompts for personal and professional growth became easier. Yet, this year presented a unique challenge: I struggled to identify a defining event. Compared to last year’s big milestones, this year felt quieter.

However, as I worked through the prompts, I realized my decision to engage with a mentor through one-on-one calls was transformative. The clarity and empowerment I gained became my “decision of the year.” This year, my focus shifted inward, centered on cultivating inner strength and resilience rather than outward achievements.

For those reflecting with a spiritual perspective, consider how moments of guidance, challenges, or inspiration revealed lessons through faith. Choosing a guiding word or verse for the year ahead can align your goals with a deeper purpose, offering clarity and peace.

Every year holds value. The small, intentional steps, seeking mentorship, nurturing relationships, or leaning into faith, create the most meaningful impact.

Looking Ahead: Building Momentum for a Purposeful New Year

Reflection isn't about setting priorities for the new year—it's about preparing yourself for that process. It's the fuel for purposeful planning. By appreciating the lessons of the past, you lay a solid foundation for the goals and dreams ahead. That would be another more focused planning time.

Plan Your Reflective Day

Open your agenda and schedule your reflection day now. Prepare your prompts, choose your space, and set the tone for a meaningful experience.

Whether you're a seasoned reflector or trying this for the first time, this practice will bring clarity, gratitude, and purpose to your journey.

Are you ready to embrace the transformative power of self-reflection?